by Jon Pol on Thursday, August 12, 2010 at 2:38pm.Most women (my grandmother included) have often asked me why they can’t seem to be able to find and keep a steady boy-friend despite an abundance of single guys on their Facebook friend’s list. Why can’t there be a Mr. Right? How can they attract men to them? The questions are endless. Well after trying my best to reassure them that they are beautifully and wonderfully made, the next step in our conversation is an analysis of their relationship with a view of finding out the problem area. Usually a breakdown of what they’re doing wrong and what they could be doing right quickly follows. I don’t hold any claim on the efficacy of these methods but I’ve successfully hooked up quite a number of couples in times past. Some that led to the altar; and as for the other couples? Well, their relationships fell by the wayside through no fault of mine. But I’ll share with you what an average uber Nigerian man wants from a woman that would probably lead him to committing to marriage.
This article is biased to suit Nigerian women so bear with me. Men are simple to understand and train just like a good dog. You just need to accept what they can and can’t do or learn; then live with that. You won’t nag your dog to death for not being able to change the television channel to Big Brother and record it, so why do insist on doing that to your life partner? Men are also not very good in mind-reading, so you need to communicate your feelings with him and not expect him to decipher it. Remember women were created after men and as a newer version they came with new update such as Emotional Intelligence 8.0V and Intuition 6.5. We don’t have those features or they’re outdated so please use your words.
Speaking about words, women do have an ability to talk incessantly for hours while doing other stuff like pinging on the Blackberry, cooking, watching a movie and keeping an eye on the little ones. Most men do not multi-task! We do one thing at a time and then move on to the next one. So when you’re talking and going on about your colleague’s antics in the office and your boyfriend is on the Blackberry don’t expect to get any response other than an, “Huh-uh” and “yeah” at intervals. Most men have a short attention span to anything that’s not remotely related to football, more money, politics, cars or women. He’s not ignoring you; he’s simply just not interested, take off a few clothes and watch that change. Men like boys like colour coordination so before taking off clothes make sure the bra and the panties are matching! Men don’t usually lie to their spouse unless it’s absolutely necessary to do so (now that’s a white lie). But when they lie and through your high emotional intelligence, do happen to find out, don’t make a big deal out of it. It’s probably in your best interest. How else would he explain that he went to see a movie with his ex-girlfriend and they talked business development without making it seem suspicious? Don’t be in a hurry to change his bad habits unless he asks for your help. Some smoke occasionally, other get drunk. Do not castigate them and blackmail them into submission. Accept them and let them know that you can be of assistance whenever they decide to become a better person.
Guys don’t like women nagging on and on; so when you feel like nagging call your mum and spare him the details for a boring Saturday and not while football is on television or he just coming in from a hectic Monday! But if you must nag, do expect him to come up with solutions. Don’t expect he’ll want to hear you complain and whine for the next 2 hours, he’ll always like to cut a long story short and will always mistake his provision of solutions to problems will do the trick of making you satisfied. Every bachelor loves to have a decent home-cooked meal especially during the weekends, so surprise him with an invitation for lunch on Saturday and Sundays and like a loyal dog he’ll love you for it and keep coming back. Most men are creatures of habit. He’ll also save a bit more money probably buy you that hand-bag you’ve been talking about.
Guys like to be in control and are naturally jealous by nature. Some guys do show it and others avoid it all together. But either ways, it is not the best method to get to a man, as it usually backfires on the girl. In line with this, do not by any means keep talking about the same guy over and over again like a broken record. It doesn’t matter if the guy in question is your cousin, colleague at work or ex-boyfriend. He’ll make him feel less special and so he’ll go out looking for another one that thinks he’s all that and more. Avoid the B.B chats during dates altogether, because he’ll only assume it the “other” guy. When the phone rings, don’t rush to pick it up and hurry out of the room; again he’ll think it is “another” man and that’s not sending any positive signals that you’re ready to settle down. Switch off your phone or allow only special numbers of family and friends to call you. And when they do, allow him pick up the phone while you’re in the kitchen. It would mean the world to him! First it shows that you are loyal to him and secondly you that you also trust him and want him to be a part of your world.
Woman you need to empty your heart, cut the length of toasters and phone pals and leave a lot more room for love. Most women have a trail of men that they have dated in the past and other “potentials” that they’re keeping in view. So these “random” men call them at random hours and the conversation can stretch for hours as either parties try to catch up. News Flash: When you’re with your boyfriend that’s not allowed! He may pretend it is okay but he’ll take note of it. Men have been known to suppress their emotions and later act out randomly once their patience expires much to the surprise of the woman. Do give him space to be with his friends on some days and then go hang out with your friends. Show him you have a life while he’s not around and it would keep him on his toes and leave him asking for more and wanting more of your attention.
When the time comes, tell him that you believe in his dreams and ask him what his long-term goals are. Just make sure you know where his headed before proudly announcing that you hope to be richer than Oprah Winfrey! That would only make most scamper off, don’t ask me why… they just do! But you can ask Adanna Egwuatu, she'll tell you most Nigerian men have a low self esteem. All men are like flowers all we need is a little attention and we’ll blossom before your very eyes!
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